Not Wanting to Pray

Issue: relationship with a person from church
Problem: I dislike myself for having this problem with this person so much that I just don't want to pray about it!

Comments: It's times like this where I get so frustrated with myself. I want the situation to improve, but I just want to avoid it, so I don't even bother to pray about it. I know that in those times where I don't want to pray about something, or I just don't feel like praying, I REALLY REALLY need to pray. Why is it so hard for me just to pray?

Jehovah Jireh

Can I just say how amazing God is? GOD IS AMAZING! He is the ultimate provider. He has already provided me with an answer to pray, and despite my constant unbelief, He is always doing this for me. Lord, help my unbelief.

That's the short version. Here's the story that led up to this:

For many years now, I have wanted to participate in a prestigious program called JET (Japan Exchange Teaching), where I would travel to Japan as an Assistant Language Teacher (ALT) and provide insight in culture, pronunciation, accent etc to Japanese school children. This is important to me, as I would have the opportunity to explore my racial heritage, learn some Japanese, experience independence, save some money to pay off student loans, and get classroom experience for my teaching program at SFU.

The deadline for the application forms is end of November, and I need at least one university professor to provide a letter of reference with my expected date of graduation. However, the professor I was going to approach is on Maternity Leave (congratulations), and I didn't feel that any of the other professors I have (or have had) would be able to provide the reference letter needed.

Anyway, major stress last night and this morning as I'm thinking about this. I also hadn't finished my homework, double ouch! I decided to skip my morning class in order to finish my homework, see the academic advisor, and pray about it. Actually, I was praying about this on the bus all the way to SFU.

I had to keep on reminding myself that God is Provider; He knows who would be able to help me; I have to make God THE plan in my life, not a back-up plan (which is something I recently realised I was doing).

I get to SFU, see the academic advisor (another praise item: I AM DEFINATELY DONE AFTER SPRING 2009!!!!!!!), and I was reading some of the comics a professor had posted on their door, when one of my current professors sees me, and we begin to talk. Turns out, her daughter has done the JET programme, and she would LOVE to do a reference letter for me! I had honestly not thought that this professor would be willing to do this for me (especially since JET is so specific about what they want...picky picky). PRAISE GOD!

The Lord is amazing. I pray that I never forget this moment of realisation of how great, mighty and loving God is, not matter how the application pans out.

Thank you God. I do not doubt you to be Jehovah Jireh.

THEY POSTPONED THE RELEASE!

Now it's October 14th! Nooooooo! I even wrote it in my day-timer as Sept 30! Now I have to wait two more weeks!

sigh...

A Confession

The following was written at 4am this morning:

I have a confession to make. And I can’t sleep because of it. So I will confess it in a blog entry, which I will post later in the day b/c I don’t have internet right now. I was working last night: the closing shift which ends at 1am. There had been a lot of frappucinos and I HATE making lots and lots of frappucinos. I think they are inefficient and irritating. Around midnight (closing time) I was grouchy and tired. I was putting away the patio, sweeping, stacking chairs, wiping tables, and moving everything inside. A guy approached me and asked if we (Starbucks) had any food we could give him. He was a young guy, seemed clean, but had his arms wrapped around his middle. And because I was busy and grouchy and tired, AND because I didn’t know what the Starbucks policy was on something like this, I said ‘No, we’ve already thrown it out’ (which was true). There was a desperate look on his face for a moment, but he accepted my answer, and moved away. I didn’t feel guilty at all.

As I continued putting the patio sets away, I noticed that he was talking with another customer, but I didn’t know what about. They spoke for a while, and I didn’t pay attention to him anymore, but I was thinking about the pastries we had thrown away, and began to wonder if I ought to have checked with my shift supervisor, or just given him one out of the donation bag to SHARE (these are leftover pastries that we donate, but in this case, SHARE hadn’t picked them up for two days, so most of the pastries are three days past their ‘expiry’ date).

Then all of a sudden, the same guy is right there again, asking me if I was sure that we didn’t have anything. Taken off guard, I reverted back to my lie and said ‘No, the ones in the pastry case are the ones we can still sell and I can’t give those away (that is true). The others have been thrown out.’ I said it kindly, and put a I’m-very-sorry look on my face, but he persisted: ‘but do you throw them out in one bag?’ And here was my THIRD chance to help him. But I didn’t want to try and explain to my supervisor, so I stuck to it and said that we put the pastries with other things. This was also true, but there was that donation bag I could have gone to, and there was the individually-wrapped breakfast sandwiches that I could have gotten (which would have been fine), and I could have talked it over with my supervisor.

I am so ashamed. “When I was hungry, you did not feed me.” “But Lord, when did I ever see you hungry?”

He was hungry tonight, and I failed Him.

To the Woman in my EDU 325

Please read and consider the following;

*No one cares about your sons.
*Put your hand down and read the book. Then you can put your hand up and ask questions
*Repeat

Why Aren't There Courses for Professors?

Good grief. Why are there so many bad professors out there? This woman I'm currently supposed to be listening to is absolutely nuts.

-she doesn't appear to understand and use a calendar and match dates to days
-she doesn't appear to understand the projects she assigns
-she doesn't appear to speak without contradicting herself
-she doesn't appear to understand that a research assistant is not a personal servant
-she doesn't appear to be patient with her students' questions (despite her claim that learning occurs through asking questions)
-she is not organised in a logical manner
-she is not prepared to commit enough time to this class (apparently being a speaker at conferences supersedes four weeks of classes)

Good grief. where do they find these people?

I am Blessed

I am so Blessed. And I can't be more specific than to say that I am very glad I ignored the world's advice, and my parent's advice, and the raised eyebrows of my friends and became Broke. I am so glad that I did.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

We are Responsible

Now that we know, we are responsible.

CHINA:
*A whole generation of children in the town of Juyuan may have been lost in the earthquake.
*The death toll is now 15,000 with that number expected to rise.
*More than 25,000 are still trapped in the rubble two days after the 7.9 quake struck.
*In Yingxiu of the Wenchuan County, only 2,300 have been found alive of the original population of 10,000
*34-year-old Zhang Xiaoyan, who is eight months pregnant was pulled alive from an apartment that partially collapsed in Dujiangyan
*In Juyuan, near Dujiangyan, more than 1,000 people are thought to be trapped in a collapsed school building. More than 50 bodies have been pulled out - but only one girl is reported to have been rescued alive so far.

BURMA:
*Burma's military rulers have tightened access to areas hit by Cyclone Nargis, in spite of international pleas to allow foreign aid workers in.
*The latest official figures put the death toll at almost 38,500 dead and 27,838 missing, according to state radio. However, international bodies estimate the toll to be closer to 100,000, with millions in need of help.
*In the meantime, forecasters say another cyclone is forming off Burma's coast.
*Residents have told the BBC that private citizens have been trying to distribute water and supplies from their own cars - but soldiers have been confiscating the goods.
*While the junta has been spending tremendous effort searching for journalists who have snuck into the country, one million people were stranded in the delta, cut off from the outside world by blocked roads and broken bridges.

China and Myanmar

Tragedy has dominated the news headlines for the past week and a half, and with good reason. Myanmar (Burma) was hit with a powerful tropical cyclone on May 3, 2008. China's Sichuan region was the epicentre for a 7.8 magnitude earthquake on May 12, 2008.

And I didn't pray. I didn't pray, or even think that I should for Burma until my father suggested we do so as a family last night. China? China's death toll made me silently pray "Please God" while I was at the gym, and I left it at that.

Why did I fail to do the most important thing I could do to help?

Selfishness. An earthquake is more likely to affect me than a tropical cyclone, so I didn't pay attention to Burma. I was also "too busy" and had to focus on "other things" like finishing a game on my laptop when I should have been paying attention in class, checking out guys on the bus, motivating myself to run for just 5 minutes more, etc.

However, I am now paying more attention to Burma than before, and am furious, and weeping. How can the Burmese government have such little respect for their own people? Sin, yes I know, but what they are doing to their people is terrible. Hundreds of countries and organisations immediately offered aid to Burma, and they refused. They do not want outsiders in their country. They are only just beginning to accept food and other supplies, but will not allow aid workers into the country, claiming that their military is able to serve their people sufficiently. Journalists are sneaking into the country to show the world what is going on...and instead of helping people who haven't had any aid delivered to them, military helicopters fly above them searching for foreigners who have snuck in to assess the situation and secretly deliver supplies. Bodies are floating in rice paddies, villages have nothing to eat and contaminated water to drink, and Burma refuses aid. I can't stop crying.

China too is hurting, but their grief is not intermingled with anger towards their goverment for lack of aid. In contrast to Burma, China immediately dispatched aid and is accepting foreign aid as well. Less than 48 hours after the earthquake hit, troops have reached the epicentre of the quake and rescue missions are being conducted. I visited the BBC's 'In Pictures: China's search for survivors' and I began to cry at the fifth picture. And I can't stop crying.

The entire time I have been writing this entry, I have been crying. And I can't get any prayers out to God beyond a cry of desperation and pain for Burma and China. I can't stop crying. Oh God, Oh God, Please Lord

Answer to Doubting Prayer

Another post on the same day! My life must be getting exciting!

My first day back at uni today, and I had one class which ended at 4:30. I planned to go straight to the gym afterwards, but my sister called me, and asked me to come home for dinner as she had made it, and didn't want anyone to miss out (Gnocci! YUM!). I agreed, and decided to head to the gym after dinner.

Dinner comes and goes, leaving me with a rather full stomach, and so I decided to let my stomach settle before going. Departure time was set for 7:30, and I had time to kill, so I decided to do some Internet stuff. As I'm on Facebook, a friend started a chat with me, and I talk with her for quite a while, noticing that time has hit 7:45, and I wasn't ready yet. As I'm about to dash off, another friend starts up a chat, asking me to come over and help her with her Math 12 homework (proving various identities). Of course. I figured that this is why God prevented me from heading to the gym.

I walk over (for a bit of exercise and to save on gas) and we begin. I took Math 12 four years ago, so I'm quite rusty, and usually when I know I'm going to be helping someone, I try to review before heading over to their place. As you can tell, I didn't have to opportunity for that at all.

We quickly discuss what's holding her up, I discover she has a test tomorrow and so we start. ARGH! We can't get the first one! We decide to move on. During the second question I realise we didn't start our sesison with prayer. Ah well, that's ok because we need our brains for math, and God gave us brains... But the second question stumps us! So does the third! So I say out loud, "Please help us Lord," half hoping that He'll answer, and half doubting that He will. It is, after all, just math.

Wouldn't you know it, we prove the statement! Yes! "Thank you Lord!" And then the next one too! "Thank you again Lord!" And then the third one! "Thank you Lord!!!" And then we get to the next and do not solve it. Oh. "Please Lord, will you help us?" After trying two possible ways to prove to equation, my friend asks that this be the last one as her brain is fried. Alright, we will make this our last one. I try one more time, and remember a trick that we can use! "Thank you Lord! We solved it!"

An example of answered prayer, even when I am not convicted that the Lord will answer. Praise God for the ways He works, and when He answers prayer, no matter how doubtful the requester is. I am now praying for success for my friend's math test.

Western Men Going Soft?

A newspaper article I found:

'Australian men are going soft. That's the conclusion being drawn from a survey of 1000 Aussie men, which rated their "blokey-ness".

'Asked questions about how often they played footy, got dirty under the bonnet of their car or used moisturiser, the number who responded that they take good care of their skin far outweighed the number who know what a socket wrench is for.

'The iconic "hard Aussie bloke" is a dying breed, according to the survey, commissioned by Kirks Brewed Ginger Beer.

'Only five per cent of all Australian men regularly play a game of football with their friends, almost 50 per cent admit it has been months since they tinkered with their car and shed ownership has dropped 27 per cent over the course of a generation.

'On the flipside, concern for skin care is growing and Australian men are not afraid to wear pink.

'Cleansing with face wash was practised by 44 per cent and one per cent more used moisturiser.

'Almost a third said they owned an item of pink clothing.

'Last year Popular Mechanics magazine lambasted American males for losing touch with their DIY abilities.

'The article's author, Glenn Harlan Reynolds, wrote that although there was no archive for tracking men's handiness "there is... a lot of anecdotal evidence that what used to be taken for granted as ordinary mechanical skills now amounts to something unusual".

Popular Mechanics' list of 25 skills every man should know:

1. Patch a radiator hose
2. Protect your computer
3. Rescue a boater who has capsized
4. Frame a wall
5. Retouch digital photos
6. Back up a trailer
7. Build a campfire
8. Fix a dead outlet
9. Navigate with a map and compass
10. Use a torque wrench
11. Sharpen a knife
12. Perform CPR
13. Fillet a fish
14. Manoeuvre a car out of a skid
15. Get a car unstuck
16. Back up data
17. Paint a room
18. Mix concrete
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
20. Change oil and filter
21. Hook up an HDTV
22. Bleed brakes
23. Paddle a canoe
24. Fix a bike flat
25. Extend your wireless network

from : http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/6/story.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=10508013

After-Effects of Hawai'i

*I can't stand being cold anymore- it was raining a few days ago, and I needed four layers in order to feel warm!!!!!
*I'm also far more interested in tanning now, than is healthy, or than I ever was before.
*I can't be bothered to do anything, as I am too used to doing nothing in the name of Relaxation.
*I also don't care that summer semester starts tomorrow, which also means that I really don't care about my classes...I see the presence of a C lurking in the misty shadows of my future.

On the bright side:
I can wear white now, and look good because I still have a tan.

From the flight

I wrote the following on the flight to O'ahu:

Everything has gone pretty smoothly thus far: take-off was pretty smooth, and even the baby is pretty good considering how young she appears to be. There are a couple of children on board. There was an interesting incident in the boarding gate area with one of them. As I’m approaching the boarding agents, a woman came up beside me, and asked a different attendant if getting something that was left outside of the terminal was possible (I don’t know where exactly). She was with a little girl who appeared to be about six or seven years of age, and the girl was clearly crying: hiccoughs, red face, tears and hugging her arms to her body. I had to board, so I couldn’t find out exactly what was happening or what was lost. Then, as almost everyone has been seated, a PA announcement occurs: “We have a beige teddy bear named Theodore here who is looking for his mommy,” and an arm slowly appears with a teddy bear from the front exit door, and the bear waves a paw. There was a chorus of “Aww” and the little girl from before came running up the aisle with a face of longing to be reunited with her dear toy. Her face on the way back was a mixture of joy (what a beautiful smile) and regret for ever having lost him.

This little event will no doubt be remembered by the girl, and her family for a while. For the rest of the passengers, they probably won’t remember this by the end of their vacation. I however, hope I remember it for a long time, because I learned something from it. I found myself thinking about how we long to be reunited with people who we love, or loved and lost, or people we care about who we have never met. In the same way, our soul longs for our Father and Creator, whether we already know and love Him; whether we once knew Him; and whether we never knew Him. Our soul has always known Him, for He created us, and our soul loves Him because He loves us. I long to be in His Presence, and to Know Him personally.

Procrastinating...

I am a student, therefore I procrastinate. I procrastinate, therefore I experience high stress. I experience high stress, therefore I try to avoid getting stressed, which then leads me back to procrastination.

A vicious semi-cycle, one that will only end if I could stop being a student, which I can't.

My geography final is at 7pm tonight, and wouldn't you know it, I started studying yesterday. And I hadn't read anything from the textbook since the midterm (that would be eleven chapters ago). I still haven't finished studying, but I'm using the excuse that I don't want a fried brain for the final, to take the time to post.

It also doesn't help that in approximately forty-four hours, I will be on a plane to Hawai'i. And that because the flight leaves in the morning (and none of my fellow travellers are morning people, I'm probably the closest thing to it), we will be staying overnight at the Fairmont Hotel located in the airport, which leaves me even less time to pack, and begins our trip fifteen hours earlier than if we didn't. I still have yet to buy shorts, tank tops, some unmentionables, bobby pins and a movie to watch on the plane (thank goodness for laptops!- Juno perhaps?). On the bright side, I DO have a bathing suit that I love, a make-up travel bag almost packed except for the everyday stuff, money converted into USD, the more dressy of my clothes laid out, manicure/pedicure and waxing done. Knowing that the trip will happen whether or not I study, and whether or not I fail is not much of an incentive to do anything but think about Hawai'i.

Hawai'i: must take surf lessons, must not drown, must tandem skydive, must not get a faulty parachute, must visit Polynesian Cultural Centre, must not act like a stupid tourist (I hate that!), must get a tan, must not burn, must relax, must not think about school, must get along with other travellers, must not trust everyone, must enjoy the delicious local food, must not gain weight.

Currently, I'm down 12.6 lbs.

Have you noticed, O reader, that this post is losing its cohesiveness, just because I don't really want to get back to studying? Ugh. I think every student who blogs, must have at least one post that is considering and lamenting the fallacies of and procrastination.

One more paragraph before I return to studying: it's a beautiful day, and I wish I could focus enough to allow myself to study outside. It's the first purely sunny day in a while, and I'm stuck inside the university library studying. There's about ten people in my line of sight from the window that are basking and studying in the sun. I am so jealous. It had better be sunny for the entire trip.

Explanations

Upon reflection, I decided that I ought to explain the reasoning behind this blog's name. The insipiration came from the title of a music album: "Roadmaps and Revelations."

Roadmaps: Life is a journey that has been set before us. We pick our direction and how we travel, but we need a map. My map: the Bible. This relates to events in my life as I seek to live according to my roadmap.

Revelations: As we live our lives, we are constantly realising things about ourselves, others and for me, about God. These revelations are important, and I plan to share some of them; others are so personal, that despite the anonymity of the internet, I won't share them here.

Raindrops: Drops of news, stories, thoughts that I wish to share. I like the rain in general, so don't think that these will be 'sad' drops. Think rather of raindrops that fall on a sunny day in spring or summer; isn't such rain refreshing and cheering? And as the last raindrops fall: a rainbow, which serves to remind us that God has promised to protect us.

The First

The First is always a bit of a conundrum. The First Child causes parents unparalleled confusion and joy. The First Day of School is exciting and scary (for child and parent). The First Day on the Job is full of questions, mishaps and raised eyebrows. The First Goal for a team is the most memorable experience, but only when the team isn't losing disastrously. The First Visit to a Foreign Place is marked by wonder, disorientation and newness. The First Chapter must be fun and intriguing.

And just as The Firsts listed above, for The First Entry, I feel torn between two possible styles: a dedication, or something clever. The former style feels so cliche, but also appropriate. The latter feels more fashionable, but I don't feel quite clever enough to come up with one with less than four days to think about it.

I therefore take the opportunity of The First Entry, to dedicate this website to what I find important or funny, as well as my opinions on certain subjects and narrations of my adventures in the Life that has been given to me by the Creator who is great, and awesome.