How do you fix a day that starts at 3am?

If anyone knows the answer to that question, I'd dearly love to know it.

Truthfully though, the started out well, and it wasn't until approximately 9:30am that things started to descend into disaster.

Let me begin:

I woke up at 3am today. Waited for my alarm to go off for 30 minutes. That's ok. I need that time to get the brain working too. I got up, got ready, went to work for 4:15am.

The people who closed the cafe last night clearly had other things on their mind. In their defense, two of the three don't close the cafe all too often, but they do often enough to know the basic things that ought to have been done. Not really a big deal, as there were three of us in the morning (which doesn't happen often) so we adjusted, tweaked some things and moved on. No hard feelings.

Working out the breaks schedule was less than enjoyable as well. I've never liked that particular aspect of being a supervisor (which is odd, as I do love puzzles, and that's basically what it is, a puzzle that involves people, coffee, predictions and blackout periods). Odd shifts, and odd tasks. That got done. So I moved on. And people I enjoy working with were working with me today. That was good.

Our district manager shows up. All is well. There are enough staff that I can deploy and plant one person to be cleaning. Always cleaning, and maintaining a tidy cafe. Things are good.

I started the deposit at an excellent time, got it all done in 23 minutes (woo! only 5 minutes more than the store record I set earlier this year!) and set the safe to put it away. Except that the safe suddenly lost power, and I couldn't access it. And so the descent steepened. Begin calling help desks, playing with power cords etc. Hear a sizzling sound when touching the power cord. Shriek. Note that there is now no power to the stereo, security moniter, and still to the safe. Help desk says that they will send a tech over within 24 hours.

Fine. Move along.

And I don't really know what happened after that. I was slow AND clumsy on bar. I couldn't pull it together and bust out the drinks, and serve customers in an efficient amount of time. Then I spilled the splash sticks all over the bar, into steamed milk, into prepared drinks, into the milk rag container, into a milk jug and onto the floor. I forgot about a 80-cup coffee service until 5 minutes before it was due, and it takes 15-20 to get it ready. Flames appeared as the descent reached maximum velocity.

I ask to go home early. I can't countdown the safe, so I just punch out. Then the safe gets fixed. Now I have to countdown. And it takes a long time. And I don't get paid for those 15 minutes.

I check my cell phone. Drama on the friend front. I make a call, say something I had no intention of saying in front of a co-worker, and spill the beans on a subject I didn't want to discuss.

I finally get to my car, I drive home, and there is TONS of traffic. And while waiting to turn right onto a street beside a truck that is waiting to turn left (and thus obstructing my view and the view of the car behind me) I inch up in order to be able to see. I get a clear view, see about 15 cars headed my way with a few of them clearly speeding, and the car behind me honks. Not once, not twice, and not three times. Four times, and each one louder and longer than the last. Poop to you. Poop and vomit and diarrhea. All to you sir. I finally turn right, the driver behind me turns as though attached to my trunk, and earns himself a honk from the car that would have hit him. He ZOOMS past me, in and out and between lanes, and finally out of my sight. Thank goodness. I was losing it.

I'm home now, starting a cleaning process, waiting for crepe batter to sit, and hoping, hoping, hoping that the rest of the afternoon is a breeze with nothing but smiles, laughter and colourful pictures. Please God, let it be so. I can't take any more like this on my strength, only Yours.

To Catch Up...

Here are some things that I wish to share with you, and while they may seem unconnected, they all had some sort of root in my day today...

-My favourite sandwich is plain cream cheese, cucumber and pepper on whole wheat or flax bread.
-My new favourite colour, in addition to green and white, is yellow. (But not that awful mustard yellow)
-I miss Hawai'i, the heat and the tan that goes along with that particular US state.
-I think my fashion-forward friends would be quite happy with me today
-I had a shopping trip with my mother today, and we got along! No fight, no arguments, and that continued into the rest of the day.
-I am amazed that there are only 22 days left until my sister leaves for a 62-day trip to Europe.
-I am completely done my Bach. Arts. DONE! I handed in my last paper, and I don't have any exams!
-I am really looking forward to the Convocation Ceremony on June 4th.
-I most definitely want to go karaoke-ing with some friends soon.
-When I find out about JET, I will most definitely will NOT be announcing it on Facebook.
-The end of this semester was one of the best ever. Last class was in the pub, involved beer, home-made wine and beer, and mead.
-I really enjoy mead.

Question. Answer? Please!

Here's the question that is bothering me:

is not creating a back-up plan demonstrating/encouraging trust in the Lord, or is not creating a back-up plan not using the abilities He has given me?

I've looked into other possible options; that is, I've researched some of them, but I haven't taken any steps towards even making the back-up options into real possibilities.

So, is this not showing faith in God's plan for me, or is this being unwise?

I don't know.  And I want some opinions.

Update On Life

It's been a while since I last posted, so I thought I'd do a quick update.

I'm currently house-sitting for someone and their demon-cat, who used to love me, but has tried to swipe me five times already (and it's only been three days)!  I have a tiny glass of Pinot Noir by my laptop, and I'm glad it was such a miniscule amount, because it's disgusting.  I really don't know how anyone can drink that!  Too bad I'm cutting my sugar intake, or I'd add some to see what happened.

I have so many news stories buzzing around in my head.  There's one that I've wanted to discuss for so long, but I simply don't have the time to analyse it as well as I would like to before posting about it.  But now I've discovered that the BBC has taken it off their site, I can't find it in my bookmarks AND I've lost the hard copy I had.  It was about the negative effect ambitious parents had on their children....I'm pretty sure it was the BBC...

I cleaned my room for the first time in about two years.  And I took pictures to prove it.  A Before-and-After moment (hours!) if you will.  But now the camera is lost!

I've been working on a paper for my Beowulf class.  I really appreciate having this as my only class.  I wouldn't be able to handle another class with all the working I've been doing.

I still haven't heard anything from JET.  That won't be until sometime in April.  Which is really hard because a friend and I are trying to plan a trip to celebrate our graduation from Uni.  My worry and anxiety has gotten really bad.  However, I did recognise the problem, and through the grace and promises of God, I am worrying a lot less about it.  I'm also not thinking about it.  I actually went through the Bible and wrote down verses that seemed applicable to me.  I wrote them down on sticky-notes and put them on the dresser by my bed, so that they are the first thing I see when I pry open my eyes.  And then I made a set of verses for my purse, and another for my car.  I'll read those ones when I'm having a bout of anxiety.

I'm really clinging to God's promises right now.  So many people told me that whatever happens, happens for the best or better.  I KNOW that!  I've heard it so many times!  BUT, another friend put it a different way that really stuck with me.  If God doesn't put you in the program, it's because His plan for you is THAT much better.

It's amazing how simply changing the wording can really get one's attention.  In this case, my friend made God the subject of the sentance, and that makes all the difference, doesn't it?

And that's the way we should be living our lives, isn't it?  Because God really is the subject of the story that our lives live out.

What a Mess

I poured a bag of pony beads all over the floor of my house today. One split second of an open bag, and then FIVE minutes of clean-up time.

I was in a rush too.

Reminds me of a story about lying.
To summarise:

The main character tells a lie about somebody, and then asks for advice from someone about how they can fix what they've done. The counsellor tells them to find a dandelion and to scatter the seeds to the wind, then come back.
Protagonist follows the advice, and then returns for the next set of instructions.
Then the protagonist is told, "Now go gather up the seeds that you scattered to the wind."

One moment, but the consequences can be huge.

JET Update 1

From:

Embassy of Japan

JET Programme Office

...

"Dear Ms. Yoshimaru,

'The 2009 JET Programme Selection Committee is pleased to inform you that you have been selected to proceed to the interview stage.

'You will be contacted shortly by the Consulate-General of Japan at which you requested your interview with detailed information about the time, date and location for this process.

...

'The Embassy of Japan and the Japanese Consulates General in Canada wish you the best, and are looking forward to meeting you at the interview.

'Sincerely,

'Masataka Tarahara

Minister

Embassy of Japan in Canada"

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW! And now my appetite is back!

Sunshine and Birdsong

Ever since I've come back from my trip to New Zealand, I have moments where I suddenly want nothing more than to be back there, in New Zealand. I'm not certain what triggers these moments, but I'm starting to believe that these moments come when I need to escape/de-stress/a change. One of these moments happened today at work.

It hadn't been a rough day, but I had been worrying about my JET application and imagining the worst-case scenarios (which would make me an emotional wreck if it should occur). I was putting fresh pastries into the pastry case when all of a sudden, all I wanted was to be in New Zealand.

I became so dissatisfied. Here I am stuck, serving coffee to random people who think they need it. I don't think I could stand doing that for another year, should I not get into JET. But then, what else would I do?

Anyway, an hour and some prayers later, I'm standing at the bus stop, still feeling down, but frantically trying to translate 135 lines of Beowulf from Old English into Modern English, when I gradually become aware of the sun shining and warming my face, and of birds singing songs that I only hear in spring. And then, I don't feel down anymore. These things reminded me of the hope that spring represents- the hope I have in Jesus. God knew how down I was feeling, how dissatisfied I was, and how emotional I was. So He sent me what He knew would cheer me in that moment: sunshine and birdsong. He knew this ahead of this day; He knew that I would need it, and so He caused the fog and clouds to vanish, and those birds to choose that particular tree to stop and sing in. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Yes, I will still cry if I don't get into JET, and yes, I still want to live in New Zealand one day, BUT, I have the hope of the plans God has for me and the evidence of his love- both seen through a few "everyday miracles."

To the One who loves me THAT much, Thank You.

Not Wanting to Pray

Issue: relationship with a person from church
Problem: I dislike myself for having this problem with this person so much that I just don't want to pray about it!

Comments: It's times like this where I get so frustrated with myself. I want the situation to improve, but I just want to avoid it, so I don't even bother to pray about it. I know that in those times where I don't want to pray about something, or I just don't feel like praying, I REALLY REALLY need to pray. Why is it so hard for me just to pray?

A Confession

The following was written at 4am this morning:

I have a confession to make. And I can’t sleep because of it. So I will confess it in a blog entry, which I will post later in the day b/c I don’t have internet right now. I was working last night: the closing shift which ends at 1am. There had been a lot of frappucinos and I HATE making lots and lots of frappucinos. I think they are inefficient and irritating. Around midnight (closing time) I was grouchy and tired. I was putting away the patio, sweeping, stacking chairs, wiping tables, and moving everything inside. A guy approached me and asked if we (Starbucks) had any food we could give him. He was a young guy, seemed clean, but had his arms wrapped around his middle. And because I was busy and grouchy and tired, AND because I didn’t know what the Starbucks policy was on something like this, I said ‘No, we’ve already thrown it out’ (which was true). There was a desperate look on his face for a moment, but he accepted my answer, and moved away. I didn’t feel guilty at all.

As I continued putting the patio sets away, I noticed that he was talking with another customer, but I didn’t know what about. They spoke for a while, and I didn’t pay attention to him anymore, but I was thinking about the pastries we had thrown away, and began to wonder if I ought to have checked with my shift supervisor, or just given him one out of the donation bag to SHARE (these are leftover pastries that we donate, but in this case, SHARE hadn’t picked them up for two days, so most of the pastries are three days past their ‘expiry’ date).

Then all of a sudden, the same guy is right there again, asking me if I was sure that we didn’t have anything. Taken off guard, I reverted back to my lie and said ‘No, the ones in the pastry case are the ones we can still sell and I can’t give those away (that is true). The others have been thrown out.’ I said it kindly, and put a I’m-very-sorry look on my face, but he persisted: ‘but do you throw them out in one bag?’ And here was my THIRD chance to help him. But I didn’t want to try and explain to my supervisor, so I stuck to it and said that we put the pastries with other things. This was also true, but there was that donation bag I could have gone to, and there was the individually-wrapped breakfast sandwiches that I could have gotten (which would have been fine), and I could have talked it over with my supervisor.

I am so ashamed. “When I was hungry, you did not feed me.” “But Lord, when did I ever see you hungry?”

He was hungry tonight, and I failed Him.

I am Blessed

I am so Blessed. And I can't be more specific than to say that I am very glad I ignored the world's advice, and my parent's advice, and the raised eyebrows of my friends and became Broke. I am so glad that I did.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

From the flight

I wrote the following on the flight to O'ahu:

Everything has gone pretty smoothly thus far: take-off was pretty smooth, and even the baby is pretty good considering how young she appears to be. There are a couple of children on board. There was an interesting incident in the boarding gate area with one of them. As I’m approaching the boarding agents, a woman came up beside me, and asked a different attendant if getting something that was left outside of the terminal was possible (I don’t know where exactly). She was with a little girl who appeared to be about six or seven years of age, and the girl was clearly crying: hiccoughs, red face, tears and hugging her arms to her body. I had to board, so I couldn’t find out exactly what was happening or what was lost. Then, as almost everyone has been seated, a PA announcement occurs: “We have a beige teddy bear named Theodore here who is looking for his mommy,” and an arm slowly appears with a teddy bear from the front exit door, and the bear waves a paw. There was a chorus of “Aww” and the little girl from before came running up the aisle with a face of longing to be reunited with her dear toy. Her face on the way back was a mixture of joy (what a beautiful smile) and regret for ever having lost him.

This little event will no doubt be remembered by the girl, and her family for a while. For the rest of the passengers, they probably won’t remember this by the end of their vacation. I however, hope I remember it for a long time, because I learned something from it. I found myself thinking about how we long to be reunited with people who we love, or loved and lost, or people we care about who we have never met. In the same way, our soul longs for our Father and Creator, whether we already know and love Him; whether we once knew Him; and whether we never knew Him. Our soul has always known Him, for He created us, and our soul loves Him because He loves us. I long to be in His Presence, and to Know Him personally.

Procrastinating...

I am a student, therefore I procrastinate. I procrastinate, therefore I experience high stress. I experience high stress, therefore I try to avoid getting stressed, which then leads me back to procrastination.

A vicious semi-cycle, one that will only end if I could stop being a student, which I can't.

My geography final is at 7pm tonight, and wouldn't you know it, I started studying yesterday. And I hadn't read anything from the textbook since the midterm (that would be eleven chapters ago). I still haven't finished studying, but I'm using the excuse that I don't want a fried brain for the final, to take the time to post.

It also doesn't help that in approximately forty-four hours, I will be on a plane to Hawai'i. And that because the flight leaves in the morning (and none of my fellow travellers are morning people, I'm probably the closest thing to it), we will be staying overnight at the Fairmont Hotel located in the airport, which leaves me even less time to pack, and begins our trip fifteen hours earlier than if we didn't. I still have yet to buy shorts, tank tops, some unmentionables, bobby pins and a movie to watch on the plane (thank goodness for laptops!- Juno perhaps?). On the bright side, I DO have a bathing suit that I love, a make-up travel bag almost packed except for the everyday stuff, money converted into USD, the more dressy of my clothes laid out, manicure/pedicure and waxing done. Knowing that the trip will happen whether or not I study, and whether or not I fail is not much of an incentive to do anything but think about Hawai'i.

Hawai'i: must take surf lessons, must not drown, must tandem skydive, must not get a faulty parachute, must visit Polynesian Cultural Centre, must not act like a stupid tourist (I hate that!), must get a tan, must not burn, must relax, must not think about school, must get along with other travellers, must not trust everyone, must enjoy the delicious local food, must not gain weight.

Currently, I'm down 12.6 lbs.

Have you noticed, O reader, that this post is losing its cohesiveness, just because I don't really want to get back to studying? Ugh. I think every student who blogs, must have at least one post that is considering and lamenting the fallacies of and procrastination.

One more paragraph before I return to studying: it's a beautiful day, and I wish I could focus enough to allow myself to study outside. It's the first purely sunny day in a while, and I'm stuck inside the university library studying. There's about ten people in my line of sight from the window that are basking and studying in the sun. I am so jealous. It had better be sunny for the entire trip.