One month to go!

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine pointed out to me that the two of us only have one month of university left.  One month.  And that blew me away.

At first, I was thrilled!  Only one more month of my B.A. studies?  Wooohoo!

And today I find myself back where I was before.  Not that I can't see the finish line any more.  My friend's point made me look up and see that (no more head-down anymore!).  But in light of my impending graduation, I find myself worrying even more.

I am having a very hard time believing that my plan for the next few years may not be God's plan for my next few years.

I want to get into JET.

Maybe God doesn't have that in store for me.

I want to become a teacher.

Maybe God doesn't have that in store for me.

I want to live in New Zealand (still).

Maybe God doesn't have that in store for me.

The list is longer, but I am just barely clinging to the promises God has given me.   And yet, I just reminded another friend (not the one above) that the plans God has for us, although they may not be our plans, these plans give us HOPE and a FUTURE.  And right now, that is what I am holding onto.

Sunshine and Birdsong

Ever since I've come back from my trip to New Zealand, I have moments where I suddenly want nothing more than to be back there, in New Zealand. I'm not certain what triggers these moments, but I'm starting to believe that these moments come when I need to escape/de-stress/a change. One of these moments happened today at work.

It hadn't been a rough day, but I had been worrying about my JET application and imagining the worst-case scenarios (which would make me an emotional wreck if it should occur). I was putting fresh pastries into the pastry case when all of a sudden, all I wanted was to be in New Zealand.

I became so dissatisfied. Here I am stuck, serving coffee to random people who think they need it. I don't think I could stand doing that for another year, should I not get into JET. But then, what else would I do?

Anyway, an hour and some prayers later, I'm standing at the bus stop, still feeling down, but frantically trying to translate 135 lines of Beowulf from Old English into Modern English, when I gradually become aware of the sun shining and warming my face, and of birds singing songs that I only hear in spring. And then, I don't feel down anymore. These things reminded me of the hope that spring represents- the hope I have in Jesus. God knew how down I was feeling, how dissatisfied I was, and how emotional I was. So He sent me what He knew would cheer me in that moment: sunshine and birdsong. He knew this ahead of this day; He knew that I would need it, and so He caused the fog and clouds to vanish, and those birds to choose that particular tree to stop and sing in. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Yes, I will still cry if I don't get into JET, and yes, I still want to live in New Zealand one day, BUT, I have the hope of the plans God has for me and the evidence of his love- both seen through a few "everyday miracles."

To the One who loves me THAT much, Thank You.