Not Wanting to Pray

Issue: relationship with a person from church
Problem: I dislike myself for having this problem with this person so much that I just don't want to pray about it!

Comments: It's times like this where I get so frustrated with myself. I want the situation to improve, but I just want to avoid it, so I don't even bother to pray about it. I know that in those times where I don't want to pray about something, or I just don't feel like praying, I REALLY REALLY need to pray. Why is it so hard for me just to pray?

Jehovah Jireh

Can I just say how amazing God is? GOD IS AMAZING! He is the ultimate provider. He has already provided me with an answer to pray, and despite my constant unbelief, He is always doing this for me. Lord, help my unbelief.

That's the short version. Here's the story that led up to this:

For many years now, I have wanted to participate in a prestigious program called JET (Japan Exchange Teaching), where I would travel to Japan as an Assistant Language Teacher (ALT) and provide insight in culture, pronunciation, accent etc to Japanese school children. This is important to me, as I would have the opportunity to explore my racial heritage, learn some Japanese, experience independence, save some money to pay off student loans, and get classroom experience for my teaching program at SFU.

The deadline for the application forms is end of November, and I need at least one university professor to provide a letter of reference with my expected date of graduation. However, the professor I was going to approach is on Maternity Leave (congratulations), and I didn't feel that any of the other professors I have (or have had) would be able to provide the reference letter needed.

Anyway, major stress last night and this morning as I'm thinking about this. I also hadn't finished my homework, double ouch! I decided to skip my morning class in order to finish my homework, see the academic advisor, and pray about it. Actually, I was praying about this on the bus all the way to SFU.

I had to keep on reminding myself that God is Provider; He knows who would be able to help me; I have to make God THE plan in my life, not a back-up plan (which is something I recently realised I was doing).

I get to SFU, see the academic advisor (another praise item: I AM DEFINATELY DONE AFTER SPRING 2009!!!!!!!), and I was reading some of the comics a professor had posted on their door, when one of my current professors sees me, and we begin to talk. Turns out, her daughter has done the JET programme, and she would LOVE to do a reference letter for me! I had honestly not thought that this professor would be willing to do this for me (especially since JET is so specific about what they want...picky picky). PRAISE GOD!

The Lord is amazing. I pray that I never forget this moment of realisation of how great, mighty and loving God is, not matter how the application pans out.

Thank you God. I do not doubt you to be Jehovah Jireh.

THEY POSTPONED THE RELEASE!

Now it's October 14th! Nooooooo! I even wrote it in my day-timer as Sept 30! Now I have to wait two more weeks!

sigh...

A Confession

The following was written at 4am this morning:

I have a confession to make. And I can’t sleep because of it. So I will confess it in a blog entry, which I will post later in the day b/c I don’t have internet right now. I was working last night: the closing shift which ends at 1am. There had been a lot of frappucinos and I HATE making lots and lots of frappucinos. I think they are inefficient and irritating. Around midnight (closing time) I was grouchy and tired. I was putting away the patio, sweeping, stacking chairs, wiping tables, and moving everything inside. A guy approached me and asked if we (Starbucks) had any food we could give him. He was a young guy, seemed clean, but had his arms wrapped around his middle. And because I was busy and grouchy and tired, AND because I didn’t know what the Starbucks policy was on something like this, I said ‘No, we’ve already thrown it out’ (which was true). There was a desperate look on his face for a moment, but he accepted my answer, and moved away. I didn’t feel guilty at all.

As I continued putting the patio sets away, I noticed that he was talking with another customer, but I didn’t know what about. They spoke for a while, and I didn’t pay attention to him anymore, but I was thinking about the pastries we had thrown away, and began to wonder if I ought to have checked with my shift supervisor, or just given him one out of the donation bag to SHARE (these are leftover pastries that we donate, but in this case, SHARE hadn’t picked them up for two days, so most of the pastries are three days past their ‘expiry’ date).

Then all of a sudden, the same guy is right there again, asking me if I was sure that we didn’t have anything. Taken off guard, I reverted back to my lie and said ‘No, the ones in the pastry case are the ones we can still sell and I can’t give those away (that is true). The others have been thrown out.’ I said it kindly, and put a I’m-very-sorry look on my face, but he persisted: ‘but do you throw them out in one bag?’ And here was my THIRD chance to help him. But I didn’t want to try and explain to my supervisor, so I stuck to it and said that we put the pastries with other things. This was also true, but there was that donation bag I could have gone to, and there was the individually-wrapped breakfast sandwiches that I could have gotten (which would have been fine), and I could have talked it over with my supervisor.

I am so ashamed. “When I was hungry, you did not feed me.” “But Lord, when did I ever see you hungry?”

He was hungry tonight, and I failed Him.

To the Woman in my EDU 325

Please read and consider the following;

*No one cares about your sons.
*Put your hand down and read the book. Then you can put your hand up and ask questions
*Repeat